Pet ✔
Box ✔
Poison ✔
Radioactive detector ✔
Cat Food ✘
Hmmmm. Defintely dead.
Trying to get a guy I liked to notice me by… drunkenly having sex with his flatmate. Er… quite.
One sleepy morning - while I was making hot chocolate - the hob and my dressing gown had a bit of disagreement, which resulted in me setting my backside on fire. Some laughed nervously. Others rushed to pat it out.
I regret not getting my hot chocolate.
Wasting YEARS (and tears) in a doomed, dysfunctional & dead end relationship.
I thought I could try to impress my newish in-laws with my limited culinary skills some years ago. I chose a Spanish recipe (I didn’t want to shock them with innovative cuisine) written by an English chef. Why would I do something like that when I’ve got a shelf full of real Spanish recipe books? I have no idea. I guess I was tricked by the pretty picture of the dish. It seems my eyes are bigger than my common sense.
As I was pretty new to the cooking experience, I followed the recipe exactly. If I’d found any at the supermarket, I would’ve chucked in the comas and full stops too.
So this very bold chef instructed me to add six raw cloves of garlic. SIX CLOVES OF GARLIC.
Now my in-laws are very polite people. The very brief widening of the eyes as the strong scent of garlic hit their nostrils should’ve warned me that something might not be as it should. But, no matter how polite you may be, you can’t stop the red burning of your cheeks and ears and the watering of your eyes as you put a spoonful of pure garlic into your mouth. A swift drink of water followed by copious amounts of bread were another clue I should’ve picked on. But no, I was blind to it all and only noticed the smiles (albeit strained) and thought I had succeeded in showing what a marvellous daughter in law I would be.
Until I tried it myself.
The best day I never had…
So this may not look like the best pub in the world…but it is. It has student friendly prices, a rowing boat one can sit in and pretend to row, and the bar staff get really annoyed if you make noise during Corrie. So if I could change any decision it would be the one I made, one day in Uni, to go to my Constitutional Law lecture instead of the EPIC DAY OF FUN my two besties had when they bunked off, got hammered, took hilarious photos, got An Pucan t-shirts and toted a balloon with a face on it around the entire day.
I’ve never lived it down and never recovered.
Over plucked my eyebrows.
Meanwhile, just out of shot …
Using Facebook. Every day.
